June 4: Gotta Go (Gotta Leave)

He didn't want to work it out. We talked that night a as expected nothing changed or got accomplished. He claims that too much has happened to try to rebuild us and all this other bullshit. Im really hurt and no matter how ok i try to be my heart won't sit still. WHat gets me is that he knows he is hurting me but its like at the same time he really dosent care. How can this be the man i fell in love with? But last night i came to the striking conclusion that if you want to go then go ahead. I don't own you, there are no obligations we have to each other binding us together so go. He needs to see how life is without me, hurt like i do. But most importantly see how much of a shit i gave about you, and how much of a shit other guys don't. Other guys are not gonna put up with his shit the way i did. He may find someone who comes close but never like me. If one day i look up and he back in my life then maybe it was mean to be but i have to et him go do what he thinks he needs to do right now. My mind has in a way let go but my heart is putting up a fight and at moments i feel i can't take it. This love thing is a terrible, lovely, painful, life changing experience.