June 2: Moving Mountains

Today was not really any better than any other day of this dark week.I woke up, moped around, cried, prayed, and then found time to breathe at some point. After much deliberation all day i decided to reach out to him one more time before i just said fuck this relationship and im moving on. So i text him saying my last words in hopes that he would wake up at the site of my greif and frustration. The text read " I have given the seperation an honest effort out of respect for you, but what im still trying to figure out is what part of this is good for us? I don't understand how you are capable of just letting me go, because i feel like im fuckin losin it. Ntn that has happened between us has blurred my vision on who you are. Thats why i have been able to forgive and let go because i know the man you are past any flaw you may have. All i wanted was for you to try to do the same in regards to me, before we let go forever. I know that you said what you had to say but imma say what i need to say, and thats that i love you inside out, and i will ride for you until the end, but you have to trust me. Let the past shit go, this is us now, not us then. Think about what im saying because after this im honestly out of words. I want you but if you're over me i have no choice but to go." this honestly is going to have to be my last attempt at reaching him, because im am driving myself crazy for love. He text me back and told me he would call me tonight. i don't know what he will say or how he will feel, or if anything will get accomplished out of that text and that scares me. I feel really pathetic for some reason because it kinda makes me feel like i am begging and pleading without the actual words please. I really did throw my pride to the wind today doing this, so i really hope he dosent take my pride and step on it. However if after talking to him tonight and he still decides this is not what he wants, i let it alll go and move on as best as possible. Yes it will still hurt beyond description, but that pain will subside one day and someone else will get a chance. This process is like moving mountains. im so drained. But if i get him in the end it all was worth every struggle and tear.